7. Cover me

The first record of you, that I heard – came out right before my life bursted, and the ice found it’s way through the roof. I will never forget the time I LISTENED to your music.  That day it was more than distand music on the radio.  We had a party, celebrating the end of elementary school, and the start of high school, the year was 1985.  Breivoll is a fantastic public area/beach just by the feet of the steep hills of Nordby.  Summer was in the air, and the sun was shining.  Breivolls rich grass plains ran to meet the blue ocean and the forest behind us forming arms stretching against us. It was a celebration… High School was in front of us and soon, youth was to enter us… In between, a burning hot summer.

I did not celebrate.  I was there just because that was expected from me.  I would rather be miles away, on the back of my horse in the direct opposite direction.  I would go to Mars, Jupiter or (preferably) Pluto, right there – if I could.  Out there, in outer space I could have lowered my shoulders and made stardust from the pain behind my ribs. But I was stuck and earthbound, standing outside the sisterhood forming several groups of people on the grass.  I would so much like to fit in, but always fell between chairs.  In one day, out the next one.  Always that insecure feeling as the week closed in on the weekend… In, or out? That day at Breivoll: Out. So, no reason to dance.

I was not good to see the signs, or to play by the unwritten rules. The art of manipulation was not strong with me, but I could recognize it from miles ahead.  I had seen to many people pulling the puppet strings and THAT was something I didn’t like.  I didn’t wanted to be harnessed, bound to follow.  It was my own small steps that was supposed to get me where I wanted.  I was deeply independent, but strived at the same time for the sense of belonging.  A place I could just be me.  Without looking over my shoulder. Always on watch, always a quick beating heart – with a hope that one day, everything was to be ok.  I looked for hints of change every day – but the day for changes did not come then.  Maybe I have to grow up, I thought? Maybe we have learned then? How to carry friendship with dignity and confidence. That IN means IN, not soon out.  That friendship is not power, but fellowship and equality.

As an adult it is easy to see that the sisterhood game is about positioning, power and control. And that slandering, scorn and insults is about making the others smaller, and their selves bigger.  I was then, like now, not ready to be a part of making people smaller og being made small myself. Still it bothered me so much… It made me unfree and seeking.  Luckily I had spaces that made me free. The stables and my horse and the marching band.  And the time with the boys.  They were straight forward and honest. Loyal and secure, and they talked a language I understood.  Boys that allayed and balanced.  Friends like that I had been blessed with as my friends since kindergarten, probably because I was a tomboy.  High and low, cowboy and Indian, soccer-playing and adventurer. Out doing pranks, without doing anything wrong.  My consciousness was to big for that. I was just very properly.  I had my things… Some lessons is to be learned during life, and they… seldom is to be learned if you do everything by the book.

So there I was at Breivoll, not thinking about lessons learned or to be learned – that what’s the night is for.  The only thing on my mind was the nauseating feeling stuck in my throat. My look over the ocean, away – away – away. Over the waves, to Oslo, up the steep hills of Holmenkollen, into the deep woods to “goneaway-land” and Pluto. But then, out of nowhere, you came.  Someone had brought a beast of a ghetto blaster, powered by 8 huge A-batteries squeezed out The E-Street band, so you could hear it all the way over to the other side of the fjord. There you found me, and by a firm grip – you brought me back. You sang “Cover me”. And was it something I was screaming for then and there – it was cover.  You sang like my own soul had written that lyrics. Damn, it felt better stamping my feet against the smooth hot rocks of June.  I wasn’t alone about the need for cover.  Even The Boss had felt need for cover.  The waves brought the night in and your words were like an extra layer of skin on me, covering my exposed inner. And just then, I just didn’t give a damn about anything. The “shit” that were running in the sisterhood being 13. My mum and dad, in the always present death.  I stood there with both my feet IN the music and I just… was. You were strong and safe, and just that tough one can get being born in the USA. With my humble “Born in Norway” I felt your strength pulsate in every nerve-fiber in my body. Yes, it was rough times – and it was to be even rougher. But if no one could cover me from the outside, I would certainly make sure to cover from the inside.  It was the time to meet – no more running away.

 The times are tough now, just getting tougher 
This old world is rough, it's just getting rougher 
Cover me, come on baby, cover me 
Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me 
Promise me baby you won't let them find us 
Hold me in your arms, let's let our love blind us 
Cover me, shut the door and cover me 
Well I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me 

Outside's the rain, the driving snow 
I can hear the wild wind blowing 
Turn out the light, bolt the door 
I ain't going out there no more 

This whole world is out there just trying to score 
I've seen enough I don't want to see any more, 
Cover me, come on and cover me 
I'm looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me 
Looking for a lover who will come on in and cover me

With these words, I went stronger into summer. THAT was good, because I had a rough fall waiting for me.  I owe you a great Thank You, Bruce.  You saved me that day. You gave me cover, when I could not provide cover myself.  I have walked a long distance since that summer, and in 2012 I have ploughed what can be ploughed.  I wouldn’t be anything near what I am today, if I didn’t fight so much that I have fought on the way.  And the best thing I have learned on this journey, is to cover me!

Once again, the night strikes – and the starts shoots their way against Pluto. This time I’m in it for the ride.  I was done running away for years ago. Good night Bruce, see you when I get there.

Rikke.
Posted in Norwegian February 11. 2012